Friday, April 18, 2014

DESTRESSIFICATION

What's the worth of working for hours and hours proofing a 27-page report, which after you got everything lined up, cleaned up, cross checked, and prettified, you make the mistake of overwriting the file, thus sending its existence to bane? Gone, vamos, vanished, baboosh! Just.Like.That. There's no crying over spilled milk, so inevitably and ultimately, I re-did the file - all 27 pages from scratch. Betchabygollywow. I think I need a stress pill. STAT if you please!

Or maybe not. How about a couple of new flip flops, some new dresses (seven pieces not enough? more?) to wear here and there, few new swimsuits and bikinis... and a weeklong tropical vacation to The Bahamas maybe? Yeah, forget the stress pill, because THOSE are exactly what I need to de-stress!

These ladies will have fun in The Bahamas with me!
*Havaianas and Victoria's Secret*
Because of the confusion and chaos that my double agent (SAHM WAHM) life has brought me in the past how-many-weeks now, I hereby declare and invoke my right to splurge. Retail therapy mode on!

I name them Sahmmy and Wahmmy ;)
So those are but a few of my loots. There's more to come in the mail and my shopping list is still open. A new waterproof digital camera is definitely in order since I found out that our old one is no longer working and has given up the ghost after its faithful service to us in our various trips including Jamaica, Florida, Boracay and Hawaii. 

On a more serious note, while I do enjoy the purchasing power I get from my very own hard-earned money, I still will not deny that career and mommy duties are taking their toll on me. Waaaahhh! My aging process has sped up twice. Double the trouble. Double the wrinkles. Double the fat. Goodness me!

I feel that I may have to choose one or the other. I'm no Superwoman, and it's impossible for me to give in to the demands of mommyhood and my job 101% all the time and at the same time. I'm in a dilemma and seriously torn about it. If only I can get a little help, I can totally rock this... but then again... sigh!

With that, allow me to bid adieu by sharing the current anthem of my life, courtesy of the late Karen Carpenter:

"I'm caught between goodbye and I love you,
Never knowing quite where I stand,
I'm caught between goodbye and I love you,
Falling both ways, nowhere to land
So constantly stranded, I can't understand it
This double life you've handed me
Is like the devil and the deep blue sea."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PS:

Thank God It's Friday! Thank God it's a long weekend. Thank God for sending His only begotten Son to die on the cross and shed His blood for the atonement of our sins. Thank God that on the third day He rose and is alive forevermore. Hallelujah and Praise God for saving my soul! Have a blessed Friday and happy Resurrection Sunday to all my brethren in Christ.


Saturday, April 12, 2014

ANOTHER SAHM WAHM UPDATE

So, okay, I'm surviving this double duty I've put myself into (yay to me!) but gosh, some days really do almost push me to my limits.

Like this one particular day last week. It was busy at work (what else is new about that?!) and the reports were piling up (and why does it seem like we're never caught up ever?!). The diligent and dedicated worker in me in all honesty was willing to give all my best effort to help and bring the workload down and I was determined to take on my list big time, HOWEVER, Vonn Kaleb had other plans for us that day. He had been extra clingier (yeah, that's right, because he was being too clingy a level up than his usual) the past days, and on that particular day, all he wanted to do was basically attach himself to me like a joey to his momma kangaroo. That would have been perfectly fine with me IF I didn't have lotsa' work to do (and if I had a pouch like a kangaroo!) So, imagine me  trying to proof reports with a fidgety infant on my lap, who didn't want to be put down on the floor to himself. For a minute or so he would play when not on my lap but then when he'd realize that he didn't have my full attention, he'd whine and would ask me to pick him up or hold his hand wherever he'd go. It was just impossible for me to get any work done!

Well, naptimes are supposed to be my "breaks" from Vonn Kaleb, and I take full advantage of those times, no matter how short or long they may be. By that I meant, I try to get as much work as I can whenever Vonn Kaleb goes for his naps. The problem is, it usually takes so long to put him to sleep, at least half-an-hour to an-hour-and-a-half or even more! Normally, I have the patience to rock him back and forth and tap his bum until he falls into deep slumber. However, on that particular day, I was soooo behind at work already, and guess what, it was taking Vonn Kaleb forever to fall asleep. Time was ticking away and the amount of time I lose at work because I have to care for Vonn Kaleb means the same amount of time I must make up at work after regular hours on top of the extra overtime hours I was being asked for. So after rocking Vonn Kaleb to what felt like the longest time ever, I finally gave up and laid him down on his crib in a very much awake state. I left his room with the door opened, went to my work station, and turned the baby monitor on. He didn't cry immediately after I left. From the monitor, I could hear he was babbling and playing (with his stuffed dog, Woofster) but after several minutes (albeit not long enough for me to finish even just one report), he started fussing and eventually went to a full blown cry. When I checked on him, this was the scenario:






Pardon the quality of the pictures as they were taken using my old iPhone but if you look closely, you'll see my son bawling his eyes out (and he was crying out loud then as in screaming his vocal cords and lungs out!). Then, shift your eyes on the floor and you'll see two pacifiers (there were actually five pacifiers on the floor but only two are seen in the pictures) and a pair of gray pants. Now, the pacifiers on the floor weren't a new thing -- he loves to throw them out his crib -- but the pants?! He was wearing those when I left him to sleep! I guess, in his tantrum fit, he managed to wiggle himself out of his pants, and then he threw them on the floor too. Ayayay!

Sigh...  I really find it hard and extra challenging to do my work and mommy duties especially that I do both of them at the same place and time. So true, you can't serve two masters. My son is not the laid-back easy-going kind of child that can be left to his own for the longest time and not cause a fuss at all. He is in fact the opposite and one who loves being held, being played with, being rocked and cradled, etc. He likes constant attention and reassurance. On the other hand, my job is somewhat demanding and intense too. It's the kind of work wherein I need to really be focused, careful and attentive to details.  It is time sensitive so I need to be driven to meet and beat deadlines. I'm part of a team, so even if I'm working remotely, I need to be always ready to answer to superiors and help the team. I mean, my work is really work. So a lot of times I feel like a modern age woman version of Bernardo Carpio who is trapped between two big rocks trying to prevent them from bumping onto each other. 

I'm not complaining, don't get me wrong. I love my son to bits with all my heart and soul. I love my job too. I'm just venting out my exasperation and exhaustion from this predicament I've personally chosen to put myself into. Vince, as always, has been very supportive of my decision to continue working, but just the same, he has been asking me to quit my job and just "retire" from working. He has been itching to write my resignation letter for me since day 1, hehe!

So anyway, byway, high way, I'm thankful to God that it's the weekend again. I survived another week! Yoohoo!  So grateful that even for just two precious days every week, I get to temporarily hang my proverbial career jersey and just be a full-time mom/and wife, and spend those two precious days with the most important people in my life ☺☻☺

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