BYE BYE, BINKY!

The first time I tried to wean my 2.5-year-old son off his binkies was I think when he was around 20 months or so. His binkies brought him certain calm that even us, his parents, apparently could not provide. When I tried to keep him from having his binkies, he obviously got so stressed out, that he literally cried for an hour. It happened twice, and I saw how miserable he really was without his binkies. I felt guilty for subjecting him to such torture. He just wasn't ready yet, and I felt so bad for not being sensitive enough towards my son. After all, it was me who knows him best, and yet I gave in to what others dictated. My heart broke for him, and so after two failed attempts, I let him have his binkies again.

Last night, he misplaced his favorite binky just before going to bed. All lights out and a little over past 12 midnight, we tried to look for it but we couldn't find it. When I didn't bother looking harder for the missing binky or handing him his extra binkies, I thought I would just test the waters. I told him that it was probably time for him to say goodbye to his binky. He didn't object when I said that, mostly because he was still so hyped up, blabbering incessantly, singing and talking in whispers to himself, playing with a toy train in one hand. He was still playing on his bed when I dozed off and I didn't really notice what time he went to sleep.

At around 3:00 a.m., I woke up to my son's small sobs. He was looking for a binky. I ignored him at first and waited. When his sobs started getting louder, I comforted him with an "It's okay," and I maintained that we still couldn't find his binky. He continued to cry. He then told me he needs to use the potty, so I took him to the bathroom and helped him. When we got back to his room, I laid him down beside me on our bed, and I told him that he's a big boy now and he should do his best to try to sleep without his binky. I gave him the reassurance that he can do it, but I was ready to give him a binky should I see him stressing over it just as before. I didn't want him to go sleepless over it.  My son, however, slept through the night. He woke up quite earlier than his usual though, but I made sure to hide away all his binkies before he woke up.

At the library this morning, when he was getting anxious during story time, he kept on searching for his binkies in his baby bag, but he didn't throw a fit when he didn't find one. When we had our afternoon nap, he fell asleep on his bed with, again, a toy train, albeit a different one, in his hand. No binky in sight, and he napped perfectly fine without it. My husband could not believe when I told him that my son has weaned off from his binkies. The final test was bedtime this evening. Not a tiny craving for binky, and he fell asleep peacefully without one, and holding a wooden helicopter toy in his hand.

I know my son was very much attached to his binkies, and it makes me feel so proud that he finally has let go of them. As his mother, I am sure it took him courage and bravery to overcome his anxiety without a binky. I'm so happy that my son is learning, and growing, and achieving milestones like this, but at the same time, it makes me realize that my son is indeed GROWING, and there's no stopping him from it. Every milestone he meets means a step closer to independence and a step farther away from me. Moments like this remind me that I could only hold my son so much for a time. Moments like this tell me that I'm going to muster all the courage and bravery I could gather to overcome the anxiety that one day I will see my son independent in all ways, and I become obsolete just like his binkies.

Taken on Aug 28, 2015 in Club Med Sandpiper Bay, FL
Four days ago, my son was still inseparable from his binkies. He at least needed two - one to put in his mouth and the other to press/rub/brush on his eyelids, nose, cheeks and all over his face. We called the one he put in his mouth as "chup chup" and the other one "duk duk". When I would ask him to surrender his binkies to me when he didn't need them, he would bargain with me and plea, "[I] can have one. Just one." Now I only have pictures to look back when my son still had his binkies :')