Like this one particular day last week. It was busy at work (what else is new about that?!) and the reports were piling up (and why does it seem like we're never caught up ever?!). The diligent and dedicated worker in me in all honesty was willing to give all my best effort to help and bring the workload down and I was determined to take on my list big time, HOWEVER, Vonn Kaleb had other plans for us that day. He had been extra clingier (yeah, that's right, because he was being too clingy a level up than his usual) the past days, and on that particular day, all he wanted to do was basically attach himself to me like a joey to his momma kangaroo. That would have been perfectly fine with me IF I didn't have lotsa' work to do (and if I had a pouch like a kangaroo!) So, imagine me trying to proof reports with a fidgety infant on my lap, who didn't want to be put down on the floor to himself. For a minute or so he would play when not on my lap but then when he'd realize that he didn't have my full attention, he'd whine and would ask me to pick him up or hold his hand wherever he'd go. It was just impossible for me to get any work done!
Well, naptimes are supposed to be my "breaks" from Vonn Kaleb, and I take full advantage of those times, no matter how short or long they may be. By that I meant, I try to get as much work as I can whenever Vonn Kaleb goes for his naps. The problem is, it usually takes so long to put him to sleep, at least half-an-hour to an-hour-and-a-half or even more! Normally, I have the patience to rock him back and forth and tap his bum until he falls into deep slumber. However, on that particular day, I was soooo behind at work already, and guess what, it was taking Vonn Kaleb forever to fall asleep. Time was ticking away and the amount of time I lose at work because I have to care for Vonn Kaleb means the same amount of time I must make up at work after regular hours on top of the extra overtime hours I was being asked for. So after rocking Vonn Kaleb to what felt like the longest time ever, I finally gave up and laid him down on his crib in a very much awake state. I left his room with the door opened, went to my work station, and turned the baby monitor on. He didn't cry immediately after I left. From the monitor, I could hear he was babbling and playing (with his stuffed dog, Woofster) but after several minutes (albeit not long enough for me to finish even just one report), he started fussing and eventually went to a full blown cry. When I checked on him, this was the scenario:
Sigh... I really find it hard and extra challenging to do my work and mommy duties especially that I do both of them at the same place and time. So true, you can't serve two masters. My son is not the laid-back easy-going kind of child that can be left to his own for the longest time and not cause a fuss at all. He is in fact the opposite and one who loves being held, being played with, being rocked and cradled, etc. He likes constant attention and reassurance. On the other hand, my job is somewhat demanding and intense too. It's the kind of work wherein I need to really be focused, careful and attentive to details. It is time sensitive so I need to be driven to meet and beat deadlines. I'm part of a team, so even if I'm working remotely, I need to be always ready to answer to superiors and help the team. I mean, my work is really work. So a lot of times I feel like a modern age woman version of Bernardo Carpio who is trapped between two big rocks trying to prevent them from bumping onto each other.
I'm not complaining, don't get me wrong. I love my son to bits with all my heart and soul. I love my job too. I'm just venting out my exasperation and exhaustion from this predicament I've personally chosen to put myself into. Vince, as always, has been very supportive of my decision to continue working, but just the same, he has been asking me to quit my job and just "retire" from working. He has been itching to write my resignation letter for me since day 1, hehe!
So anyway, byway, high way, I'm thankful to God that it's the weekend again. I survived another week! Yoohoo! So grateful that even for just two precious days every week, I get to temporarily hang my proverbial career jersey and just be a full-time mom/and wife, and spend those two precious days with the most important people in my life ☺☻☺