Note: This has been sitting in my Draft Folder for some time now. I wrote this in November 2015, and only now (March 2016) did I realize that I have yet to publish this. If there are any grammatical errors or slips, my apologies. I didn't proofread or make further edits other than this addendum note.
In a short span of time, motherhood has taught me a lot of things already. I learned that I didn't just become a parent but I've also gained my youngest best friend - my son. I realized that there is no such thing as little moments with him. The shortest hug, the slightest touch, the quickest kiss -- they're all too big and overwhelming. If only I could freeze a moment in time...
So here's one reason why I blog my MOMents. I could never tell time to hold still even for just a moment but I could at least document moments here in my blog. When my son is grown and I'm all wrinkly and old, and when the time comes that my mind fails, I hope to still vividly recall and feel in my heart those moments through the records in this blog.
Mr. Kulit Paulit Ulit
I didn't get enough sleep the other night. In fact, I went to bed at around 8:00 in the morning. I pulled an all-nighter working on our church's financial records. It wasn't like I had a humongous pile of work to do. It's just that I waited and procrastinated, and so I got behind and did some catching up on it. I knew that was going to happen and when I don't get enough sleep, the tiniest annoyance could set me off. Who doesn't, right? So I kept reminding myself not to blow my fuse up at the pettiest of things. It's my fault that I was sleep deprived. My son doesn't have anything to do with it, so he doesn't need snarling and gnarling from me especially when he's just being his usual naughty self.
Around 9:30 in the morning, my boy woke up. He was pleasant. He was playing with his toy in his bed, so I asked him to lie down beside me. He is already used to me not being a morning person, so he obliges whenever I tell him that I still want to lie on the bed and catch some zzzzs. After a short while, he asked for milk, and so I got up and got him milk. We both laid on the bed while he drank his milk. He then grabbed books and asked to be read. I obliged. He was already up and about playing at that time when I was reading to him. Soon after, he said he needs to use the potty, so I took him to the bathroom and helped him. In his active energetic mode already, he accidentally hit me, so I frowned. I didn't say a word but he saw me frowned.
We then went back to his room and I once again laid down in bed. A few minutes after that, I decided to finally get up. There's no way I could catch winks anyway with a toddler in active play in the same room with me, so might as well get on my feet and get going. The moment I stood up, my son definitively said, "Mommy is awake. Mommy is awake. Mommy is awake..." He said it repetitively though. That's just how he is. He will keep on saying something until he gets reassurance and confirmation from either his Mom or Dad, which we do almost every time. This time, I purposely ignored him though. He persisted and kept on saying, "Mommy is awake..." He has already gotten used to receiving constant affirmation from us even when he's already stating an obvious fact. I want him to learn and know that it's okay -- we don't have to repeat or say everything back to him to assure him. I want him to develop self-confidence.
"Mommy is awake. Mommy is awake. Mommy is awake...," he went on. I was waiting for him to stop, so I remained quiet and went about fixing the bed. When it dawned on him that he wasn't going to get the reassurance from me, he changed his tone -- sweet, slow and calm -- and said, "Good morning. Good morning, Mommy."
That broke my heart. I melted. I thought I was teaching him to be confident and independent, but when I thought about it, he is just a 2.5-year-old boy. He understandably still needs reassurance from his parents. In due time, he will be all on his own, and I will be phased out of his life, but until then, I ought to give him all the reassurance a sweet, innocent child needs, kahit pa Mr. Kulit Paulit Ulit na :)
Mr. Kulit Paulit Ulit wearing a Dreadlocks Rasta Hat
~ October 23, 2015 ~