Thursday, March 13, 2014


The past week was challenging for us. We have had quite some stress but thank God that it is for His mercy and love that we are not consumed.

First off, my paternal grandmother in the Philippines died. A few days after she celebrated her 73rd birthday, she suffered a stroke, went into coma, and then passed away all too quickly. The last time I saw her was in 2011 when I went home for the first time in eight years since I left. She never had the chance to personally meet her second great grandchild, Vonn Kaleb. I thought of going home for her wake and burial but for many reasons, the idea was not plausible. It's sad that I wasn't around her during her last years but I take comfort in the blessed assurance that we'll meet again in heaven one day.

Mommy Heling's 73rd (and last) birthday celebration.
Second, after more than a year off, last Monday, I commenced work once again. Getting set up and settled in was a hurdle. There were a lot of times that I had to be on the phone with my manager and our office IT person. Most of those phone calls were done in sync with Vonn Kaleb's nap time. Needless to say, my baby boy who has always been a light sleeper (taking after his dad) woke up from his nap whenever I picked up the phone and whispered "Hello." It was heartbreaking because I know how precious those naps are both for him and me. We also had to change our daytime routine to line it up with my work hours. I have to be honest that on multitasking between work and mom duties, what's tougher is dealing with my emotions as a mom. I'd see my son playing beside me while I tinkered on my keyboard away, and then I'd feel afraid that I may not be giving him enough attention, and the guilt that I may be putting work before him. It's tormenting. There was one time he pressed on my keyboard and closed the document I was working on before I was able to save my changes. I screamed and pulled my hair literally in frustration when that happened! This caused my poor baby boy to scream in very much the same manner I did while bawling his eyes out. He did this a few times. Repeatedly. I felt terrible that time! I didn't really mean to scream at him and the way I reacted was unfair to him because after all he is but a child who knows nothing. I picked him up and cuddled him and prayed to God for patience, and much more patience. I cannot afford to just lose it so quick because I now have a very young child who is growing and learning and needs an affectionate and caring mother, not a screaming workaholic monster. I told myself that I have to remember what Cat tells Peg whenever she is totally freaking out, "Cat's right. I should count backwards from five... 5, 4, 3, 2, 1..." and similarly, Daniel Tiger's advice, "When you feel so mad that you wanna roar,  take a deep breath and count to four." Adults too can learn from PBS shows, I realized.

Third, my husband was not spared from work-related challenges too. It's really a blessing that his practice has gotten busy since one of his colleagues left. We're thankful for that even if that meant that he had to leave for work in the morning much earlier than before for him to be able to round on his patients. Sometimes he had to stay a while at work to finish his notes. We really don't mind that at all. What we're having reservations about is that he was handpicked by his employer to open another practice at a different county about half an hour away from where we live. He is not the type to pass on opportunities as such but accepting that means he will lose some family time over work. At this time, we're waiting how this issue is going to proceed.

Fourth, our utility bill gave me a shock. How on earth did two adults and an infant rack up $600+ utilities? Beats me! Fine, I have pretty much been using our dishwasher lately an average of three to four times a week, so I expect some increase in our bills, but not that much! That was simply absurd. So our family is now on a quest to make our house energy efficient as best as it can (we feel there's going to be a lot of work and expenses involved here). In the meantime, we are cutting back on household expenses. We began with temporarily discontinuing our pool maintenance service.  Good thing, we have a neighbor who was very helpful and kind to teach us how to clean and maintain the pool. So that's going to be a couple of hundred bucks less from our monthly expenses. I also went back to manually washing our dishes *booo!* Come on, we spent a few hundred bucks over that brand new dishwasher, and it saves me a lot of time by not doing the dishes. Is it really that expensive to run it? How sad :( *sobs*

Sigh. I guess, that's about it. Our family is still recovering from the exhaustion that the past week (and ensuing days up to now) has caused. We are looking for ways to cope up and move on from the daily stress we experience as a new family, and it's truly a blessing to wake up each day knowing that God is in control. I'm just thankful to God that we survived last week's hills and hurdles, and that another week has almost gone by. That being said -- it's TGIF (and payday too) tomorrow, yay!  


  1. Sorry to hear about your grandmother Teh. Please accept my sincere condolences. I know it must have been hard for you and for your family too.

    What a challenging week that was for you Teh. A lot of lessons learned and a lot of adjustments and decisions to make but looks like you're doing fine.

    Kayang kaya ninyo ni Vonn Kaleb yan. Sa simula lang naman yan. If you feel guilty about not giving him enough attention panu na lang yung mga moms na talagang kailangan umalis ng bahay to work. Don't be too hard on yourself Teh. Take it easy...

    Hugs and kisses for you and Vonn Kaleb.

  2. am sorry to hear about your loss KM, and I could feel the pain of not being there with your family, but I do understand why it is hard for us to be there as well with so many constraints we are faced with. But like what you said, the best comfort to think about is someday, you'd be reunited in heaven.

    so sorry to hear about your struggles as well as a working mom, I am not a mom but somehow, I could sense the pain of mixed emotions, you are so right, Vonn is just a child and has no idea yet of what is going on, I pray that in time, he's schedule (nap and rest time) would be in tune with your work time and that you could mesh the two together smoothly.


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