REUNITING WITH THE BOOKWORM IN ME

I love to read, and back in the days when I had sooooooo much time to spare, reading was my favorite pastime. My love for books started at such an early age. At 5, my reading and writing skills were quite advance for my age, and the books we had at our home library got me hooked into reading. I can still vividly remember how I flipped pages of Collier's Encyclopedia (we owned a complete set), and read through whatever tickled my carefree mind, one volume after another. There were several more educational reading materials and a few fiction books in our home library, and that kept my young mind occupied. At school, I was introduced to young children's books including Nancy Drew, Encyclopedia Brown, Choose Your Own Adventure, and Sweet Valley Twins (which as I aged later on turned into Sweet Valley High then Sweet Valley University). Getting older, I then followed the works of Sidney Sheldon and V.C. Andrews. When I had extra money back then, I bought paperbacks preferably pre-read ones (they're cheaper), so I rummaged book sales for those. I never ran out of books to read back then.

For some reason when I left the Philippines, I stopped reading books the way I used to. I would still grab a book and read every now and then but it was nothing like the way I did before. I guess I got too caught up adjusting and exploring this whole new world ahead of me that I somehow shoved the bookworm in me at the backseat. Anyway, long story short, recently I have started reconnecting with my inner bookworm. I have picked up on reading again and the most recent one I finished was The Divergent Series. It's a good read and quite interesting, although I have to admit that I think the ending was anticlimactic and I would've preferred a different ending. >>> SPOILER ALERT! If you haven't read the book and wish to read it, then don't read further here. <<< If I were to choose an alternate ending, the scene would be something like this: Tris getting weaker and weaker because of the Death Serum in the Weapons Lab. Then, wheelchair-bound David appears to kill Tris. She and David then engages in a fight with Tris struggling due to the Death Serum slowly taking its effect on her. Despite that, she manages to disarm David and knock him off his wheelchair. David crawls his way to the gun intending to shoot Tris. With whatever strength that's left of her (and all the climax drama of this particular scene in the book), Tris manages to release the Memory Serum just in time to stop David from shooting her, his memory being immediately wiped out. However, the Death Serum appears to have taken her last breath as she passes out after pressing the serum launch device. Then, she sees her dead Mom, and she talks to her asking her if she's done and her Mom says yes, yada yada, and just when one may think she's really done, Tris gasps as if choking on air and draws a deep breath, and that's when she realizes that she in fact is immune to the Death Serum because SHE IS DIVERGENT after all! The ensuing events will then be Tobias and Tris going back to the city and will start anew and rebuild their lives together. Jeez. I couldn't believe that after all the triumphant events that built Tris' Abnegation/Dauntless/Divergent character, the author decided to kill her. Anticlimactic, really. Oh well, I could only wish that when the third book turns into movie, they provide an alternate ending. Sigh! If it would make it any better, here are my favorite quotes in the series:

"His absence will haunt their hallways, and he will be a space they can't fill. And then time will pass, and the hole will be gone, like when an organ is removed and the body's fluids flow into space it leaves. Humans can't tolerate emptiness for long."

"...confidence alone can get a person into a forbidden place."

"...politeness is deception in pretty packaging."

"Who cares about pretty? I'm going for noticeable."

"A brave man acknowledges the strength of others..."

"...Human reason can excuse any evil; that is why it's so important that we don't rely on it..."

"I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand for another."

"But becoming fearless isn't the point. That's impossible. It's learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it, that's the point."

"...but we just have to let the guilt remind us to do better next time."

"Or maybe forgiveness is just the continual pushing aside of bitter memories, until time dulls the hurt and the anger, and the wrong is forgotten."

"Sometimes all I want is to be a few inches taller so the world does not look like a dense collection of torsos."

"I suppose a fire that burns that bright is not meant to last."

"Sometimes it is nothing more than gritting your teeth through pain, and the work of every day, the slow walk toward a better life."

Okay, that's about it. I didn't really plan on blogging a sort of book review here, but while I was at it, I couldn't help, so, my apologies for that. Till next book!

IT'S A BIG WORLD OUT THERE, SON!

Growing up, I was a small kid. Well, I still am short and petite, but what I meant was that I was always the smallest kid in my entire batch. I had my own fair share of teasing and name calling by some of my bigger and taller classmates, but honestly, they didn't really bother me at all. I knew that I had every right to be smaller than the rest of them mainly for the fact that I was two years younger than them. I had the impression that I shouldn't let people from my school know about my age fearing that I'd get demoted, or worse, kicked out, if the school find out that my parents forged a copy of my birth certificate and altered my year of birth just so I'd be accepted in grade school. Truth was that I was initially declined admission for the same reason that I was too young to be in grade school and they wanted me to attend preschool instead. My mother thought otherwise having known that I was reading and writing very good at age 4; hence, we came back the second time with a vengeance, or I should say, misrepresentation with a forged public document. Anyway, if there's anything I picked up from the taunting I received back then, it was the realization that the world is a big place. It dawned on me at such a young age that, yep, I was a small, small girl in a big, big world. Literally and figuratively.

Fast forward to puberty and all the awkward teenage years in between early adulthood to where I am at my life right now, I came to a point where I was pretty much at par with my peers and colleagues, and that age (and height) gap did not factor anymore. I have conquered insecurities, developed self-esteem, gained confidence, acquired skills, collected accomplishments, made new acquaintances, known true friends, broadened my horizon, and kept on growing into maturity that I thought, "Wow, it is a small world after all!" Literally and figuratively.

More recently, my husband and I have been taking our 18-month-old son to outings, and getting him more exposed to other children. His Filipino stature obviously does not meet the American average, so whenever he is in a common play area, it's not a surprise to see him getting bulldozed by other kids his age or even younger ones who are way heavier and taller than him. While there are admirable well-mannered kids who are aware of other children's personal spaces and are cautious and mindful when at play with smaller and younger ones, there are also those who obviously hurt or at least badger other kids on purpose. All parental bias and subjective opinion aside, how hard is it to tell a kid who is just playful, naughty, active and rough housing, apart from one who is outright misbehaving and bullying others particularly smaller kids like my son? It doesn't take a genius nor a psychological degree to figure that out, right?

Having said that, I have seen my son, in all his effort, climb up to go down a slide, only for a bigger kid to cut him in line and go ahead of his turn. I have seen him gets tossed on a bounce house when bigger kids get on. I have seen him fall on the floor when innocently pushed by a younger but bigger child. I have heard him cry when an older toddler snatched a toy away from him and purposely hit him on the head with the toy. In all those experiences, I couldn't help but feel how suddenly the world has once again become a huge place for me. It even felt like it doubled its size, now that I am a parent. Literally and figuratively.

It's a big world out there, son. I trust it won't take you long to scale it, seize it, make it your oyster, and even hold it in a paper cup like I do, and until such that time when you could do it on your own, your father and I promise to be always here for you. We'll face and conquer this giant together. We love you very much, Vonn Kaleb.